


i'm ready to run through the heat of the sun

by quinnking



Series: tragic ends and happy beginnings [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, POV Second Person, Pining, but also happy in another, unhappy ending in a way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 01:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9299189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnking/pseuds/quinnking
Summary: The only problem, though, is that she's not smiling her beautiful smile at you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii. it's been so long since i wrote sq but inspiration struck. :) listen to white blood by oh wonder.
> 
> also, i'm prepared to be yelled at. but. this is emma's pov and since when does she make things easy?

_i need you right here with me._

* * *

 

Her smile is the most radiant thing about her. Plump lips stretched wide to show the pearliest white teeth you’ve ever seen. Her eyes gleam, washing away all the sadness that you usually see within them. 

Her laugh is musical and it floods your insides with a warmth you’ve never felt. 

She says something, but you can’t hear, and that’s okay because she’s smiling and if you died right now, this sight would ensure you’d die happily.

The only problem, though, is that she’s not smiling her beautiful smile at you.

* * *

It’s two a.m. and you finally start to doze off when your phone rings. You contemplate ignoring it but when you check it and the caller ID shows Regina’s name, you answer it without hesitation.

“Is everything okay?”

She’s quiet on the other end of the line and you wonder briefly if she hung up. 

“Regina?” 

“Can we just stay like this?” she asks and the static cracks through the phone.

Your heart sinks, she sounds so sad. “Sure.” 

So you sit in silence with her, listening to the way her breathing changes from erratic (she’d been crying, and that makes your insides twist in a bad way) to shallow to even. She fell asleep.

You look at the clock on your nightstand. 3:41 a.m. 

“What’s wrong?” Killian mumbles from beside you and you almost jump.

You hang up the phone. “Nothing.”

 

* * *

 

Snow is bouncing baby Neal on her knee.

“Did you hear?”

You're eating a bag of chips and through the crunch you manage out, “hear what?” and go back to munching.

“Regina and Robin are engaged.” 

You stop eating immediately and when you swallow what's in your mouth it goes down slow and painful and a lump sits in your throat.

“When?”

“Last night.”

You take a long drink of water and wish it was something stronger. “How do you know?”

“Granny,” she says, as if it's obvious.

_ Granny, of course.  _

“I’m surprised you didn't know, Em,” Snow says with her eyebrows risen. “You and Regina were so close, I thought you'd be the one she called after it happened.”

“She's busy.” You say the words and you wince as soon as they come out with the mental image of her and Robin that follows. 

Snow giggles. “I'll bet you're right.” 

Neal hiccups in response, as if he agrees, and bursts out into tears. 

_ I feel ya, kid.  _

* * *

 

You see her next at Granny’s, alone, sitting in your booth. She called you earlier that day to make lunch plans. It's been two weeks since the engagement. You've been avoiding her but you can't anymore.

She smiles up at you, not the smile you love but still a beautiful smile regardless, and your heart stutters in your chest. 

“Hi, Emma.”

You give her a tight smile. “Regina.” You slide into the booth and she studies you in that way of hers, big brown eyes drifting over your features to try to find a crack.

“I'm guessing Snow told you already.”

You nod, a clumsy bob of your head that makes your hair shake. “Yeah.” 

“I want you to be in the wedding.” 

Your eyes are wide when you look up to meet her gaze. “What?”

“I want you to be in the wedding,” she repeats. “Snow will be my maid of honour but I want you to be in the bridal party. It would mean a lot to me.” She smirks then. “Your father offered to give me away, with Henry on my other side. Roland will be ring bearer.” She pauses for a moment. “Plus Robin already has your handless wonder in his.” 

“Oh,” you say, because you can't muster anything else and you're in so much pain that you have to remind yourself to breathe. 

Her eyes drop and so does her smile. “Unless you don't want to be in it.”

You immediately feel like shit for putting that look on her beautiful face. 

“No, of course I do,” you amend. “You're my best friend and I want you to have the best day possible.” 

She smiles again,  _ that smile _ , and everything feels okay again. For now. 

* * *

“I can't do this anymore, Swan.”

You want to feel something. Pain, hurt, sadness. But you feel hollow and damn it, he actually deserves better than this half assed attempt at a relationship.

“Do what?” you ask, because you're Emma and why would you make it easy on him. 

Killian doesn't look angry. He looks sad. And for a moment, there's a flicker of understanding. 

“I'm tired of  coming in second to Regina,” he says, his tone final and thick with emotion. You open your mouth to retort but he cuts you off. “Don't, love. I see how you look at her. How you didn't get serious about you ‘n me until she and Robin shacked up.”

Your mouth opens again but no words come out, so you close it. 

“She doesn't love you back, Swan,” he says. “And I do but I can't live here with you and pretend like we’re this magical story when you've got the hots for the Queen.” 

You're struck speechless. 

“I'll always love you.”

You clear your throat. “I do love you, you know.”

“I know, love. But not as much as you love her and I'm too old to be a second choice.” 

He gives you that devilish smile you fell for and then he looks sad again, about as sad as you feel.

“I'm sorry.”

He just nods. “Me too.” 

* * *

 

You pound on the door, the gleaming 108 shining in the setting sun.

“Emma, hi,” Regina says as soon as she opens the door and your heart does the thing it always does when you see her. 

“Hi,” you croak. “Can I crash here for a couple of days?” 

Regina raises an eyebrow. 

“Killi-Hook and I broke up,” you explain. “And he's moving his stuff out and doesn't want me there.”

Regina’s lips part. “Of course,” she says, and she moves aside and this sense of deja vu hits you like a brick wall. “You can stay in the guest room.” 

“Thanks.” 

Once the door is closed, dark eyes search you. 

“What happened?”

You clear your throat. “Mutual decision. No spark, no use in pretending there is one,” you half-lie. “I'm okay.” 

“I never liked him, anyway.” 

You laugh, because she put on her regal tone and you  _ know  _ she never liked him. 

“Where's Henry?” 

“With Violet,” Regina says sulkily. 

You snicker. “He's a teenager, Regina.” 

“I know. I don't have to like it, though.”

You nod and she leads you into the kitchen. You'd normally tell her not to bother making you food but you're actually starving and this woman can cook.

“Dinner for two?” Regina asks, and your stomach swoops.

You nod again, because you don't trust your voice, and watch her cook your meal. 

* * *

Regina doesn’t tell you to leave, even after you’ve been there for three days. But when your phone pings and Killian says all of his stuff is out of the apartment, you know you need to leave. Regina insists on cooking you two dinner.

You don't ask where Robin is, because you want to pretend. Pretend that you live here with her and your son, that you're more than just friends, that you're  _ more _ .

“That was delicious, Regina,” you murmur, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You start to get up so you can do the dishes when she stops you. 

“I got it.”

You look up at her, standing above you and looking like a goddess. A kitchen goddess. Is that a thing?  Yes, it’s a thing. Now it is. 

“Regina, you cooked for me for all the nights I’ve been here. Let me do the dishes.” 

You get up and bring your plate with you to the sink, dropping it in with a clunk. 

She walks up behind you. “I’ll dry, then.” 

You almost laugh, because she has to have the last word, and that’s such a  _ Regina thing  _ that you let it go and nod. 

When you hand her the plate, your fingers brush and you swear your whole body starts buzzing. You wrench your hand away as if she burned you and she gives you a quizzical look.

You both don’t talk while doing the dishes until she puts the last dish away and you say, “why are you marrying Robin?” before you can stop yourself.

She turns to look at you. 

“Because I love him, and he loves me,” she tells you. 

You swallow because suddenly there’s a lump in your throat and you’re having trouble breathing. “You really love him?”

Her gaze turns hard. “Did you really love Hook?” she counters, and your heart sinks.

“Yes,” you whisper. 

“Yes.” 

She moves closer to you and your hip hits the rim of the counter. “You can’t do this, Emma,” she says. “You can’t do this when I’m finally happy and finally getting the happy ending I deserve.”

“But-”

“No. You don’t get to speak. Listen.” Your heart feels like it dropped into your stomach and you hold onto the counter behind you for support. “I loved you once, you know. But you didn’t feel the same way.”

She really thinks that? 

“In Neverland, I loved you. But you had eyes for your pirate. It’s too late for you now. Because I love Robin and he loves me and I’m  _ happy _ .” 

You feel tears welling up in your eyes but you can’t respond with words, because you just can’t. So you pull her face to yours and you kiss her. 

It’s not at all what you thought it’d feel like but it was also everything.  And she reciprocates, just for a moment, before pulling away. 

“I think you should go,” she whispers, brown eyes watery. 

“Yeah.” 

* * *

 

You call her two weeks later, because it’s honing in on her wedding day and you love her so you want to be there for her. Even if she’s not marrying you, you want her to be happy. 

“I have a dress fitting in two hours with Snow,” she tells you over the phone.

“I’ll be there.” 

You watch her try on dress after dress, your mother placating the nervousness that skids over Regina in waves and makes your stomach queasy because you want her wedding to be what she deserves. 

She tries on her last dress. It’s beautiful, really and truly stunning. The bodice is strapless and jeweled up and it looks amazing with her darker skin tone, and the bottom is simple and elegant. She looks like a queen. 

“You look beautiful, Regina,” Snow says, teary eyed.

Regina looks at you in the mirror and you meet her eyes. You don’t say anything at first, instead, just looking at her. “You look beautiful,” you repeat, because it’s worth repeating. 

* * *

“Oh, Em, you look nice.”

You’re wearing the purple and black bridesmaid dress that Regina is making you wear. You blush anyway, even if the compliment is coming from your mother. 

“You too.”

Snow sits you in front of the mirror so she can fix your hair. She spins you so you’re face to face.

“I’m not blind, you know,” she says, with no pretense or exposition. 

“What?”

She gives you her best  _ bitch please  _ face, eyebrow risen. “I see how you look at her.”

You play dumb. “At who?”

“Regina.”

“I-”

“Emma,” she stops you. “It’s okay. You share a son. You’re similar in personality. You’re probably the best friend she’s ever had and vice versa. I’ve always seen it, but I know it must be hard on you.” 

You did not expect this. Of course, you didn’t expect homophobia, but you also didn’t expect open acceptance. 

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she continues. “Regina taught me about true love, and you’re my daughter. You both deserve it more than anyone, and if that meant being together, who would I have been to stop it?”

You want to cry, because this is so like your mother. Surprising you, making you sad, and making you feel secure and safe all at once. 

“She really loves him,” you say.

“She does.” 

“I missed my chance.”

Snow spins you around to face the mirror and fusses with the back of your hair. “You did,” she agrees. “With her. This isn’t the end of the road.”

“I love her so much,” you say, and your voice breaks. 

“You missed your chance.”

You nod numbly. “I just want her to be happy.”

“And she is. Finally, and that’s not just because of him, you know. You helped. You and Henry are a large source of her happiness, even if it’s not romantic. She loves you.”

“But she loves him more.”

“Yes, possibly,” she agrees. 

You bite on the inside of your bottom lip until you taste blood. “I do want her to be happy. And I would never jeopardize her happy ending for my selfishness,” you say, because you need to say it out loud. 

“I know, honey,” she says soothingly. “I know. You really are a remarkable woman and you deserve your happiness, too. She knows that.” 

“She needs me more as a friend, doesn’t she?” 

“Yes.” 

_ Then that’s what you’ll be,  _ you decide right then. 

“True love comes in many forms, Emma,” she reminds you.

* * *

 

The wedding is beautiful and Regina is beautiful, and you look away when they kiss after their I Do’s, and you hate yourself for it. 

But watching them would’ve been too much for you.

“Thank you for coming,” Regina says much later, picking up her dress to shuck off her heels. 

“You look amazing,” you manage out, and you blame the wine. 

She smiles at you.  _ That  _ smile. “Thank you.” 

You hug her. Really quick, bodies barely brushing, but enough for you to want to cry. 

“Thank you,” she says to you again. 

“You already said that.” 

She looks at you. Really looks at you. “I mean for not pushing and for not making this hard.”

You give her a genuine smile. A small one. “I want you to be happy.”

“I know.” She kisses you on the side of the mouth, lingers there for a second. “I know. And I want you to be happy, too.”

You believe her.

"I know," you say, and you believe yourself, too.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me on tumblr (robinwright) and on twitter (parrillagasm). or yell at me, whichever. :') i plan on writing a sequel, so don't y'all worry!


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